Thursday, August 14, 2008

Time Marches On

How very strange that, for all practical purposes, my life went on hiatus on May 20 and hasn't yet returned.

May 20 was the morning I woke up with excruciating pancreatic pain, and every day since has involved hospitals, doctors, surgeries, pain, pain medications, nausea, digestive problems, and/or depression. My surgeon says this is one of the worst cases of pancreatitis he's ever seen (especially in someone my age--47!), but I haven't lost hope completely, yet; I think he still has a few tricks up his sleeve.

In the meantime, all the things I love and that bring me joy have been taken away: working on arts and crafts, food, going out with friends and family, laughter.

I try not to complain too much--I was never very tolerant of people complaining about their health. You can bet that has changed. I was a "fixer"--don't feel well? Take an aspirin. Tired? Take a walk. Coming down with something? Take vitamins. I know now that some things can't just be "fixed" because you want them to be--otherwise, you can bet I would have been cured of all this mess months ago.

I've always believed that things happen for a reason, but I'm having a hard time seeing the reasoning here. Maybe it's too early to understand why, out of the blue, my body would attack me and hold me hostage. In the meantime, I spend my days swimming in dark grottoes in my own little world, looking for some clarity--or at the very least, some peace.

4 comments:

Sue B said...

Michelle I am very sorry to hear that you are still struggling with this illness. Please continue to post to let us know how you are doing.

Quilt Pixie said...

Hope you're able to create a wonderful world in your mind to escape to and spend time doing what you love there... not as nice as physically doing that which you love, but with practise it can be very fulfilling...

tiedyejudy said...

Hi, Michele. I am sorry to hear you are still so ill. Have you come home or are you still hospitalized? You are in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope to see a post soon that says you are on the mend.

Judy

Judy said...

Michele,
It is so good to read a post from you, even if you sound like you are still battling the pancreatitis. I am so sorry that this has happened to you. Truly a bummer. Keep battling and don't let it get you down. Like Judy above me, you are in my thoughts and prayers also and I too hope to read a post from you very soon that you are back in your studio creating more lovely art.

Warm Hugs to you,
Judy